Sigmund Freud saw “primary narcissism” as an “auto-erotic” stage of self-love that babies go through in their first year of life. During this stage they are focused only on themselves and their own needs.
“Secondary narcissism” follows this period where the child is not yet able to determine that the primary caregiver (usually the mother) who ministers to their needs is in fact separate to themselves. For example, when the child cries, mother appears to provide soothing. When the child is hungry, mother feeds them. They see the mother as an extension of themselves (that they are in effect looking after/loving themselves), as such the child thinks they are omnipotent and has an inflated perception of their parent(s) – it is a magical time.
Freud and those who carried on his work argue that adult narcissism is as a result of the child not moving from self-love to object love i.e. love for another separate person. Not all Psychologists agree. Lowen states
“I don’t believe in the concept of a primary narcissism. Instead, I regard all narcissism as secondary, stemming from some disturbance in the child-parent relationship” [1, pg. 12].
Newer research shows that babies are able to distinguish between themselves and a parent as being different at an early age but that they are unable to comprehend the parent will have different needs, impediments, interests and expectations of their own. This will lead to frustration of the child when their needs and wants are not met.
Hotchkiss describes ‘Childhood Narcissism and the Birth of “Me”’ as a natural process through which the child is taught to relinquish their primary narcissism when they are ready through the guidance of their primary caregiver in order to develop an independent Self.[2, pg. 35-45]
She begins by explaining that we are all usually born with senses namely sight, touch, smell, hearing, and taste that provide us with sensation and perceptions e.g. pain, comfort, coldness etc. That we all have instincts like the need to search for food or to cry if we are in distress and that we have a “genetic endowment” which is known as our temperament but that we are not all born with a “Self”. This concept of Self is the knowledge that we are distinct (separate) from others and able to determine and manage our own feelings. It is the outcome of the “separation/individuation” process that occurs in early child development.
The stages of early child development are summarised below.
Age: 2 – 4 Months
Child Development: Capable of recognising their primary caregiver as seen through the “preferential” smile. Symbiotic sense of Self as merged with that of the parent.
Age: 5 – 6 months
Child Development: Child begins to notice others are different from mother, they will grab glasses, moustaches, jewellery and look at mother to reference these differences. They haven’t yet worked out that while mother is different to these others she is not part of “Me”.
Age: 7 – 10 months
Child Development: Mobile independence begins (crawling) and the child is able to put physical distance between themselves and their mother. In their mind mother is an extension of them and not yet separate.
Age: 10 – 12 months*
Child Development: Child trials independence but mother is still “The One” vital to their confidence e.g. as the child explores they forget mother for longer periods of time. When the child remembers they will look for her. If someone tries to substitute for mother the child may burst in to tears, becoming joyous only on reunion with her.
Socialisation begins in earnest as mother becomes the “no-no” person. The child experiences euphoria in using their new skills and isn’t aware when they are using them inappropriately. When the child practices “prohibitive behaviour” and mother says “No” the child experiences shame. The child becomes deflated experiencing narcissistic injury. This is a necessary betrayal of their perfect union with mother. The child becomes somber as they are forced to process unpleasant feelings with less help from outside. Shame must be inflicted gently in order to ensure these feelings are not overpowering.
They begin to see themselves as small and vulnerable. Her empathic responses to the child’s mood e.g. toning down overexcitement, allowing gradual increases in emotional tension and giving warm touches, soft looks etc. after telling the child off will aid recovery from the burden of shame, lead to trust and the child’s ability to manage their own feelings later on in life. Child starts to see mother as separate, different to themselves.
Age: 18 months*
Child Development: If all has gone well mother and child can no longer function as a symbiotic us. The child will begin to let go of mother’s omnipotence and recognise her interest doesn’t lie solely with them. They begin to loose their delusions of grandeur and become aware of their vulnerability alternating between preoccupation/anxiety over mothers whereabouts (becoming “clingy”) and angry assertions of their own independence. This “clingy” stage lasts through to their 3rd year, by the age of 4 the child should emerge with a realistic sense of Self and an appreciation for the autonomy of others – Individuation has occurred.
*critical periods of child development between 10 – 12 months and 16 – 18 months when “the part of the brain that regulates emotions is being hardwired for life”.
Hotchkiss then goes on to outline a normal temporary stage of narcissism that occurs during the child’s teenage years. She explains that it is the first few years of child development (the critical periods being 10 – 12 months and 16 – 18 months) and during the teenage years where long term unhealthy narcissism can develop if the child’s real needs are not supported by an empathic environment where they are given a balanced view of themselves in preparation for life in society.
Morrison explains Heinz Kohut’s belief that there were two major development stages where the development of a cohesive Self could be thwarted by inadequate parenting. The first being in the early years of development as outlined above where the mother fails to provide “adequate and empathic mirroring in response to the exhibitionistic self; and later (ages 3 – 6), usually with the father, reflecting empathic acceptance of the child’s “voyeuristic” idealization and wish for merger.” That in effect the mother promotes the child’s future ambitions through mirroring during the early exhibitionistic stage and the father promotes the child’s future goals and ideals through their acceptance of the child. Kohut felt that failure at both these stages would result in the child’s inability to form a Self but that success by an empathic parent in at least one of these stages should lead to a “cohesive, non-fragmented nuclear self”.[3, pg. 358 – 359]
“Acquired Situational Narcissism” can be experienced in adulthood as a result of success in society (e.g. in relationships with friends, the opposite sex etc.), education and career. Such success usually results in a short term effect on a persons personality but some Psychologists have sought to demonstrate that for some people who are continuously in the limelight for their achievements such as sports stars, film stars, politicians etc., the attention and “special treatment” they experience may lead to long term unhealthy narcissism.
Some Psychologists believe most young adults will get through the teenage narcissistic stage (with the support of their parents) without unhealthy narcissism becoming a permanent fixture in their personality. They feel that any unhealthy narcissism evident in a persons personality in adulthood is a result of problems in earlier development rather than as a result of the teenage development stage or situational narcissism.