Donald Winnicott was a British Paediatrician and Psychoanalyst who focused on the medical care and development of young children. He found that parenting did not need to be perfect to ensure successful child development and championed “the sound instincts of normal parents” against high standards expected of parents by professional experts1 p, 173.
In 1953, Winnicott talked about the “good-enough mother” but later explained the concept also applied to fathers given both parent’s important role in the life of a child2, 5 p,191.
“The good-enough mother… starts off with an almost complete adaptation to her infant’s needs, and as time proceeds, she adapts less and less completely, gradually, according to the infant’s growing ability to deal with her failure. Her failure to adapt to every need of the child helps them adapt to external realities.”3 34:89-97
Winnicott described that parents provide a ‘holding’ environment from which a child learns to become an independent being4 p. 7. Initially, an infant relies on their primary caregivers for everything. When the child is in need, a parent comes to soothe, play, feed or clean them. The child is under the illusion that the parent is part of them and “under the baby’s magical control”5 p. 15. The child doesn’t yet understand they are a completely separate person to their parent.
Over time, as a child develops their own skills, they become less dependent on a parent. At around 6-8 months children begin to substitute physical contact with a parent like being held or suckling on a breast, with temporary objects like a juice cup, blanket or a toy. The child will, however, seek out their parent when they need them. Winnicott called these objects “transitional objects” 5 p. 2. Children can develop strong attachments to these objects and can become upset if they are not available when needed, much like their reaction to an unavailable parent.
As the child grows, goes to school and meets friends, the objects are set aside and time with parents is further reduced. The child becomes an adult, gets a job, meets co-workers, develops intimate relationships, moves out of the parental home, has children of their own etc. If the process is successful, the parent/child bond is still maintained but the child has a life independent to their birth family.
Similar to the concept of a “holding environment”, John Bowlby used the term “secure base” to refer to the environment parents provide in allowing the child to explore the world freely and return to the parent for emotional or physical support5.
Winnicott was clear that good-enough parents have a crucial part to play in giving children the skills they need to survive and thrive. Doing it in a way that builds confidence and doesn’t overwhelm a child/set them up for failure. In doing so, parents give consideration to their child’s current level of skill and provide support to build levels of skill at a pace the child can cope with. Lev Vygotsky coined the term ‘Zone of Proximal Development’ to describe “the distance between the actual developmental level as determined by independent problem solving and the level of potential development as determined through problem-solving under adult guidance, or in collaboration with more capable peers”7 p. 86.
References:
- Winnicott, D. W. (1973). The Child, the Family, and the Outside World. Penguin.
- Nussbaum, M. (2006) Introduction. In: Winnicott, D.W. 2nd Edition. The Family and Individual Development. London: Routledge.
- Winnicott, D. (1953). Transitional objects and transitional phenomena, International Journal of Psychoanalysis
- Winnicott, D. (1966). The Ordinary Devoted Mother. In R. Sheperd & M. Davis (Eds.), Babies and their Mothers. New York: Addison-Wesley
- Winnicott, D. W. (2005). Playing and Reality. London and New York: Routledge.
- Bowlby, J. (1988). A Secure Base. Routledge.
- Vygotsky, L. S. (1978). Mind in society: The development of higher psychological processes. Cambridge, MA: Harvard University Press.